A Stranger Fate by Rena Baldinelli Once upon a time, there was this chick named Sarah Strange. And she lived with her soulmate and lamia stripper, Blade Redfern. Although, Blade wasn't his birth name, no, that was actually Magnolia. He had dubbed himself "Blade" after watching the movie of the same title for his 15,000th time, wishing all the while that he could be half the bad-ass Wesley Snipes was. So anyway, they lived happy, happy, happy! Fornicating like wild monkeys and eating creame pops. Until Kierlan came along. Kierlan was a Harman witch, and a fellow stripper at the club where Blade worked. He also thought that Sarah was extremely fuckable. So he cast a spell on her to make her think she was actually his soulmate. And being the stereotypical dumb blonde that she was, it worked splendidly. Poor Sarah, she didn't know who her true soulmate was. And when Kierlan was kidnapped after being mistaken for the fourth wild power (Whom we all know is REALLY none other than Bob Parker, mild-mannered, middle-aged, fat-ass, used cars salesman for Dusk Automotive, currently considering transferring to Night Used Cars, Inc.), by loyalists to the late Hunter Redfern. So Sarah goes to rescue Kierlan from the Hunter-Forever Cult, dragging a whiny Blade along with her. They get into a big pissing contest, where the cultists end up committing mass suicide, like all good little cultists do, under the supervision of one Mary-Lynnette Carter (who'da thunk?), their nuts-o leader. At any rate, Blade proves that he too can be a bad-ass like his fictitious hero; thus winning the heart and lust of Kierlan. They then realize that THEY are soulmates, and that it wasn't a bunch of bad cases of static cling all those times backstage at the strip club. So they run off to Las Vegas to become Drag Queens in cabaret shows ran by a budding new director named, Nilsson. Meanwhile, Sarah becomes bitter, and consoles herself endlessly with chocolate bon-bons and Ricki Lake reruns. Until, that is, she finds love with the middle-aged, balding Bob Parker. Six years later she's Queen of his Double Wide, and pregnant with their sixth child. Le Finis.