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Title:   Dangerous Desire Forbidden Interesting Hot Night Secret Strange Lost Taste   in meets and for between beyond by if of with   Blood Darkness Desire Eternity Mystery Forever Love Night Passion Time   Bonnie Elena Hannah Faye Jez Diana Suzan Laurel Melanie Deborah Kaitlyn Morgana Bri Katherine Frost Rowan Blaise Dee Audrey Iliana and   Bonnie Elena Hannah Faye Jez Diana Suzan Laurel Melanie Deborah Kaitlyn Morgana Bri Katherine Frost Rowan Blaise Dee Audrey Iliana are   having sex about to have sex talking about having sex commiting grand theft looking for a Wild Power feeding each other playing a Game getting married sniffing some Worldleaf bemoaning their newly-out boyfriends but the problem is   one of them is suicidal. one of them is engaged. one of them is a vampire. one of them is too short. they've run out of smokes. they're not supposed to be gay. the publisher disapproves. the Final Battle has arrived. the Elders disapprove. Meanwhile,   in New Salem in Fell's Church at the high school in a dark, confined space in Vickie's back yard inside the Institute in the Tunnel Of Love back at the mansion over in Irenahl within the Shadow World ,   Mr. Zetes Black John Maya Jackal Mac Damon Stefan Klause Nick Summer Zach Tom Sean Portia Grandma Harman Hunter and   Mr. Zetes Black John Maya Jackal Mac Damon Stefan Klause Nick Summer Zach Tom Sean Portia Grandma Harman Hunter are   having sex. about to have sex. talking about having sex. dancing the night away. flirting. burying a dead relative. getting married. performing unrealistically simple spells. fleeing the Wild Hunt. joining the Wild Hunt. fighting with big scary swords. reading some ancient scrolls. having a bitchfight. trying to take over the world. wondering how Thierry got so much money. trying to tune in to their ancestors. charging money for sexual favors. wondering why Elena won't stay dead. pretending to be their ex-lovers. Suddenly,   a werewolf with big teeth and claws an undead rotting corpse a giant bat Julian's leather underwear Lewis Carroll a Mary-Sue a delightfully purple house a long-lost Salvatore a close relative a Wild Power   explodes announces they have a soulmate dies tragically falls down starts hacking them to pieces starts quoting pop songs endangers an innocent bystander comes back from the dead declares their love for Depeche Mode , forcing everyone   into hormonal overdrive. into a remote island. to become vampires. into a cave. to contemplate their path in life. to run away screaming. to dish out bitchy one liners. to wear lots of leather and look sexy. to blurt out their most secret fantasies. to get in touch with their sensitive sides. into severe self-loathing and doubt. to have sex. to mock Stefan's impotence. Naturally enough, the better half of our couple in question gets on the situation right away and   slips into something more comfortable broods for a while disappears conveniently murders a small child drinks some animal blood decides to save the unfortunate gets crumbs in the bed decides she'd look better solo expresses distate for the decor runs around with a big stick , while her partner   is silent. does a seductive striptease. stops at Dunkin' Donuts. gets a naval piercing. sttends a Queer Pride Parade. decides she's above her company. joins the cast of Rocky Horror. lounges gracefully, nude. says something witty. falls down. is lost in a Chaotic Zone. sees things no one else can. joins the Hell's Angels. Fortunately, the problem can be solved simply   by letting a candle burn down. by smashing some mirrors. by killing a few werewolves. by joining Circle Daybreak. by fleeing to another world. by everyone having sex. by immediate reform. by attacking their closest relatives. This means of course, that the other problem, relating to   their boyfriends their feelings for one another their ancient sorrow and guilt the impending Final Battle their debt to humanity their own inevitable deaths the evil principal their intrusive family the token Mary-Sue's overbearing nature the small army of dead people the Night World assassins how to let people know about this how much they've grown apart Tyler's meaty hands can be solved by   amazing powers of repression. a quick trip to Fell Andred. commiting suicide. having sex again. This time standing up. waxing poetic. driving off into the sunset. conjuring a storm. finding the fourth Wild Power. having group therapy. joining an Atlantean cult. As the story ends, everyone   grieves. pretends to have known all along. finds solace in comic books. goes to see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. swaers their eternal devotion. denies all knowledge. has a new feeling of self-worth. melts into the shadows. THE END